LOVE AS A PERSONAL CORE VALUE: Discover What You Need To Build A Loving Relationship.
In this article, I want to get up close and personal with you, don’t worry I don’t mean in the physical sense but in the psychological sense. Please feel free to watch my video, which covers a lot of what is written in this article.
Whether you are in a relationship or looking for love this article is for you.
I think you may have experienced it.
Someone telling you they love, you but you just can’t feel their love.
I love you – I hear what you’re saying.
Do you know I want you – okay I get it?
Believe me, I need you – I know it
But can’t feel anything.
Well, if this is you, I want to share with you 5 reasons why you can’t fall in love, and what you can do to change it. I also have an extra bonus at the end of this article so keep watching to the end.
They are all based on what’s called fundamental personal core values which are necessary for love to happen.
And before I get into the first value I want to show this picture which I’m going to come back to at the end of this article so keep watching till the end.
1. The First Personal Core Value Preventing You From Falling in Love Is A Lack of Social and Collective Values.
If you and your partner or potential partner lack social and collective alignment it means you are on different paths and so aren’t likely to complement each other. This is because you don’t enjoy doing the same recreational activities.
So, if you are enjoys the outdoors and activities such as hiking, rock-climbing, and all things outdoors, and you’re in a relationship with a person who is a couch potato the chances are your relationship will struggle.
So, having aligned social and collective values should fundamentally influence your decisions on who you date and decide to settle down with
Am not saying that you don’t need to find your partner physically as attractive. That does and should form an important part of our decision to date, someone.
However, a massive part of what most people do is that focus on the physical part and forget about the fact that your values help you sniff out what your heart and your mind are truly pining for.
If you don’t have social and collective values with your partner it will only affect your relationship if it forms one of your personal core values. That means, it’s one of the things you hold dear and is really important to you.
This is because your personal core values form part of your DNA and guide and influence how you navigate the world. They relate to what you fundamentally stand for at your core and are the essence of your feeling of wholeness.
Now, this is important to understand if you want to find and be in a relationship that will last the distance, so I want so I hope you don’t mind if I spend a little more time telling you a story to illustrate this. So keep reading.
You may or may not know a program called Soulpancake. It’s a program where couples go on a build date and find out if they want to take the relationship further by asking each other a series of questions.
Now, the woman asked the man whether he believes in God, and he replied by saying he was an atheist.
And then the man asked the woman what countries she had traveled to, and she replied that she had been to four different countries.
After hearing each other’s answers to numerous questions, they both decided not to date each other.
Towards the end of the show, the man asked the woman why he was not a dating option, for her. She responded by saying this was because he was an atheist.
Then the woman asked the man, why he wasn’t a dating option and his response was because she wasn’t well-traveled enough.
You see they both came to the conclusion that their personal core values were not aligned with each other so this was a deal-breaker, and they went their separate ways.
Their values trumped everything else.
So, I have a question for you. Do you and your partner have similar social and collective values?
If not, this may be one of the reasons you cannot fall in love.
2. The Second Personal Core Value Preventing You From Falling in Love Is Lacking Similar Psychological Values.
Psychology values, relate to how you connect on an intellectual basis. Do you enjoy the same conversation?
Are you able to express yourself intimately, politically, or talk about your professional life at work? Or friendships you have.
Importantly are you able to discuss your financial situations on a level and in a manner that you can both relate to? Because money or rather the lack of it is often the cause of relationship breakups. If you’re looking to find a way of creating a holistic love then I would like to recommend a really helpful eBook called ‘Holistic Love Life & Work’. It provides a really magical way of creating real balance and answers you’ve been looking for to live a holistic and balanced life of love and happiness.
I’m happy that I discovered it and can share it with you. Holistic Love, Life, and Work speaks from the heart. It embraces the full significance of peace and finding and keeping love in a balanced and true way that fulfills you within. To find out more click the image above.
Now back to psychological values, it’s important because if you lack deep and meaningful conversation, this can leave a void. There, is nothing worse than trying to speak to someone who doesn’t want to hear you.
The need, to feel psychologically nourished in your relationship is a large part of what makes you feel accepted, cherished, and loved.
And research shows that communicating effectively is something that rarely happens naturally for a lot of people. But, when it comes to relationships it’s important that you develop good communication skills so you can reduce Conflict And Resolve issues quickly.
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Many people consider their partner to be their best friend. In fact, according to Dr. John Gottman of the Gottman Institute, friendship is the foundation for a healthy relationship.
In other words, a great friendship is necessary for a great relationship. But, the term “best friend” only means something if the relationship is developing as time goes on. So your partner can be your best friend, but if you do not communicate with them properly, you can fall out of touch, and this could mean your communication link can get lost.
3. The First Personal Core Value Preventing You From Falling in Love Is A Lack of Similar Spiritual Values…..
Now, this doesn’t mean necessarily mean religious values, it means finding someone you love that you align with on a holistic fully authentic, natural, intuitive, freeway.
Specifically sharing similar spiritual values means you look at the world through the same lens.
This introduces a sense of fulfillment and meaning to your life because when you enjoy spiritual values in a relationship it nurtures growth and emotional strength.
Because you look at life in a similar way it can open the door to a greater intensity of feelings, forgiveness, generosity, consideration, selflessness, and patience.
The Christian perspective on love means you don’t blame others or become jealous. Love is viewed as not self-observing and does not entertain anger or divisiveness.
1 Corinthians 13:7 of the New International Version of the Bible (NIV) states that love:
“always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
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Now back to the main article. Now while you might struggle to attain this high level of love, it’s well worth remembering that although love comes from within, its real value comes when it radiates outwards and impacts life in a profound and meaningful way.
And if you’re willing to do this in your relationship you will fall in love and your relationship will grow.
4. The First Personal Core Value Preventing You From Falling in Love Is A Lack of Desire Values.
Your desire value is based on your emotional values. Your ability to be honest candid and open about how you feel and what you really want to get out of the relationship.
In fact, desire values, relate to whether you are able to trust your partner with your future and the direction you want to pursue.
Why is this so important?
Because love is so important and is one of the biggest personal core values we desire.
And love should create strong emotions that bring about a desire to be satisfied on an emotional level. It is arguably one of the most profound emotions you can possess. It can create a euphoric adrenaline rush a strong feeling of passion, intensity, adoration, and affection. So having goals that you both share plays an important role in this happening.
But if you’re not taking the relationship in the same direction it’s going to be difficult for you to fall in love or stay in love.
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And the fallout from this is you’re less likely to build a bond of trust and unity with whomever you are with. And less likely to feel that adrenaline that love creates.
5. The First Personal Core Value Preventing You From Falling in Love Is A Lack of Sexual Values.
Now this is different for you, for everybody
The question is for you to decide if you and your partner speak the same language when it comes to your sexual needs.
And if you don’t have the same values, you should look at how you can figure out a way to reach an agreement. Keep watching this article because I have more information on why you can’t fall in love which you’re going to find interesting.
Consider
How do you make love?
How often?
Where?
And even why………?
These are important questions you need to consider.
Conclusion
I was watching a talk with Mel Robbins and a relationship therapist; the topic was able the compatibility of couples
And they identified the rise and fall of relationships are based on whether you and your partner whole similar values.
That doesn’t mean you need to hold all 5 of the same values but, whether you have compatible values. They did not refer to it as values it basically amounts to the same thing.
And they talked about why people chose partners that aren’t compatible and identified it was because they get to not show up in their relationship.
You see if you with a partner that you’re not compatible with this may form a way of allowing you to hide behind dysfunctionality
And if this applies to you it may be something in your past that caused those issues – may be a previous partner.
How you grew up, any past traumas can cause dysfunction.
And they likened this to fitting a round circle into a square which I talked about at the start of this article
The circle is complete all their needs are met, so this partner is satisfied.
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But you will notice that the square has edges that aren’t filled. This represents the other partner who is not satisfied.
You could be the square in that relationship that needs to be filled.
This means that one or more of the core values we spoke about are missing.
But keep watching because there is more information I want to share with you.
Because one thing I haven’t covered in the 5 values is equally important and a value you need before you even think about starting a relationship and that is self-love.
Aristotle believed that self-love when expressed as a virtue a prerequisite to loving others.
So, the idea here is can’t fall in love unless you fall in love with yourself first.
Is this true?
Well. I know that many criticize this theory.
But consider for a moment, the benefits of loving yourself.
Not only can it help cultivate your secret inner strength, but it can also help create an inner sense of euphoria and peace. Imagine how powerful bringing that feeling into your relationship would be.
So instead of looking outside for validation and acceptance in your relationship, you’ll experience emotional happiness at your core from within
You see many people go into relationships to fix a gap in their own mental well-being.
And if you’re looking for love for self-validation then you’re going to be sadly disappointed. Because it starts and ends with you.
And loving yourself first isn’t vanity, it’s sanity. ‘
-Andre Gide.
And the great thing is, that practicing self-love will also encourage you to maximize self-belief and help build your self-confidence.
- So am going to add a final personal core value so that you can fall in love and that is self-love
So the 6 personal core values that will ensure you fall in love the right way are:
- Social and collective values
- Psychological values
- Spiritual values
- Desire values
- Sexual values
- Self-love values