Personal Core Values: 7 Keys to Supercharge Your Relationships.
It only takes a minute to fall in love, but it can take forever to rebuild broken relationships. This is the case for any kind of relationship whether it’s with your partner, children, parents, work colleagues you name it. That’s why it’s important to get it right from the start and keep good vibes pumping throughout.
And in this article, I’m going to show you how to avoid getting yourself into a bind in your relationships where you’re constantly arguing and disrespecting each other. But before I get into the Personal Core Values that are the keys to supercharging your relationships, the first thing I want you to appreciate is that you should never come into a relationship expecting it to make you feel whole and accepted.
You need to accept yourself first for who you are and relationships should add and build on that feeling of self-acceptance and of feeling completeness.
Healthy relationships are one of the most significant aspects of our lives because the high-quality close relationships you create contribute to mental and physical well-being; however, poor quality close relationships create stress and can undermine your health and well-being. If you want to find out how to define your personal core values then check out my post entitled How To Define Your Personal Core Values
So, what’s the first personal core value that can be used as a key to Supercharge your relationships.
1. Being observant
Your partner comes home from work and drills into you about not washing the dishes and starts complaining about always having to clean the house because you choose not to.
What do you do?
Well, being observant is about listening in the physical sense and in the actual sense and by that, I mean understanding the real reason for what they say and do.
Because this will allow you to understand what your partner is really concerned about. It may have nothing at all to do with the dirty dishes or the house not being clean.
It might be about what happened at work
Or a conversation you had last night?
What’s important is not engaging in an argument
being still and take a moment to understand what is happening from your partner’s point of view.
Think about what challenges they face?
Why do they think and feel the way they do?
When you are prepared to observe someone, it buys you important time to look at their body language.
You know what they say about actions speaks louder than words. – Well it’s definitely true.
When you think about what’s going on in their life,
What issues have been plaguing your relationship
Do they have a problem with money?
Does your partner, child, mother, or colleagues have a problem at work?
Or do they have problems with self-confidence which is impacting your relationship?
On a boarder level, how do think they feel about you and why?
After you’ve observed them and given them space to express themselves
You should try to find a quiet time when you can sit down with the person and give them your undivided attention.
By doing this you saying I really value you as a person.
And what they say is that attention is the greatest form of love. To find out more about the personal core values that will keep your love life going by reading my article Why Is Love A Core Value
2. Being able to Adjustment
The personal core value that that is the key to supercharging your relationships is being able to make adjustments.
I guess it’s another way of saying being able to compromise
And I think this quote really sums it up which says……
“the best thing to learn in life is the habit of compromise. Because it’s better to bend a little than to break a loving relationship”
But what does compromise really mean in a relationship?
And how do you know when you should compromise or stick to what you really think is right?
I appreciate that you understand that relationships are about to give and take.
The sticking point is where there is a noticeable imbalance between you and the person you’re in a r/ship with. It’s where you or the other person feels there having to bend to far so they feel they’re not accepted for who they are.
This could make them feel devalued, demeaned, and even disrespected.
“Adjustment means doing something different from what you would normally do”
But when you adjust it really means you’re prepared to accept that you’re never going to agree on everything.
It’s all about setting the right foundation for your relationship from the start. So what I said about being prepared to be observant is important because like I’ve said before
It’s amazing what you can say to someone if they know you genuinely care about them.
Adjustment requires the ability to put yourself in their shoes, think about their thought process.
So, even if you don’t agree with what the other person wants to say or do, you’re prepared to bend a little and adjust.
The truth is we are all different lived experiences, which makes us individual so as long as the relationship does get you to compromise your personal core values then adjusting is a great way to keep your relationships healthy.
Being able to adjust is standing back and doing performing an art….
Ludwig Wilhelm Erhard says
“A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.”
Let’s go back to the scenario where your partner comes home from work and starts complaining that you haven’t cleaned the dishes.
You’re fuming because they have only just walked through the door and already complaining without even waiting for an explanation.
Adjustment means doing something different from what you would normally do and taking a deep breath and saying okay.
I hear what you’re saying.
I’m willing to listen
3 Being Present – And In The Moment.
Now most of us live busy and often stressful lives.
And it’s easy to neglect your children or partner, friends whoever it is because of your career. I know it’s important to earn money and it can be hard to let go of work. I know am guilty of working many hours over the night to five
But to build a healthy and positive relationship you need to be in the moment. Relationships are like fine wine it needs to mature and being present is a large part of this.
To do this, you to appreciate the joy that your relationship brings good or bad and stop worrying about tomorrow and focus on the present.
Doing this will allow you to be more available and diligent because, very often, relationships fail because we don’t spend enough quality time with people we care about.
You know who it is, honey I can’t do that right now because I’m busy,
Then it gets into well why can’t you do it?
I’m not saying I won’t do it, It’s just that I can’t do it right now.
And because we’re really busy, right now becomes next week and next week becomes next month….
You know who it goes.
But being in the moment is about being intentional in your relationship and prioritizing it.
So, It pick them up from work, and not making any excuses for not doing so.
Or do whatever else is important, like remembering special events like anniversaries birthdays and showing you really care about them.
It’s putting out the trash and not moaning about it.
Being in the moment is about concentrating on one thing at a time, so if you are in an intimate relationship it is focussing on your partner and not juggling other things.
Most of all, it’s involves being grateful for what you have……….gratitude is a big part of being aware of the fullness of life and living in the moment.
What does the Bible say about living in the moment
“Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.
Being in the moment means you are not selfish and are prepared to give your attention.
This quote sums it up…..
“Pay no attention to what people say but pay close attention to what they do.” “Do what you did at the beginning of a relationship and there won’t be an end.” “The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention.”-Sensitivity/reactiveness
4 The Ability to Be Responsive
4th personal core value to turbocharge your relationship is the art of being responsive.
The art of being responsive is being sensitive and reactive to other people’s feelings. is absolutely critical for creating better relationships, trust, and rapport
Responsive relationship partners convey understanding, validation, and caring
It’s about being empathetic and understanding in your relationship and being mindful of the difficulties that others are feeling.
When you are reactive you’re able to appreciate that when you say something to someone, it may upset that person even though it may not upset someone else.
Very often relationships fail because we fail to understand that we are not really paying attention to what someone is saying.
NCBI report showed that working positively toward goals in r/ships can help them you become more responsive so interpersonal goals, can make you more responsive and create high-quality relationships/
“Validate and listen”
So relationship goals are:
- Communication goals – setting aside guidelines on communicating together
- Commitment goals – level and quality of commitment.
- Going with the flow – taking the pressure off your r/ship by appreciating that you’re always going to have ups and downs.
- Time together – providing space, but giving quality time.
When researching how we can become more responsive in our relationships I came across this article from the communicate resource Centre.
Being responsive is about giving up some control and letting the other person play. You’ll find that the results can be rather astounding. There is so little responsiveness going on in most communication that when you are responsive, you separate yourself as being somewhat special and interpersonally valuable.
Pretty cool huh…..
So it involves If you are being responsive, the other person knows you are paying attention, and care enough about what he or she is talking about to “stay on that topic”.
The fifth personal core value that will act as a key to supercharging your relationships is showing genuine respect.
Respect is having “a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.”
Showing respect buys you valuable time to work out a way to get your relationship back on the right track.
It’s also about having “due regard for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others.”
- Respect people’s feelings even if it doesn’t mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them.
It can often mean you need to be pragmatic and exercise humility by giving deference giving esteem and consideration to your partner.
They are many ways that a lack of respect in a relationship can manifest. Some examples of disrespect are overt, such as harsh or critical words, physical abuse, and betrayal or infidelity. Other examples of lack of respect in a relationship are more challenging to identify. If you perceive that your partner is not making you a priority or if they overmanage or try to control you.
For example, your partner comes in and says do you know how overweight you’ve become lately – in a sarcastic and condescending tone
You immediately realize there talking down to you and demeaning and criticizing you
If your partner refuses to show you respect you need to consider whether your r/ship is worth continuing.
anchorlighttherapy.com highlights how you know you have been given respect by providing some useful examples they are:
- Validate and listen.
- Consider feelings and needs.
- Provide space for individual differences.
- Support each other’s goals.
- Maintain honesty.
- Compromise willingly.
- Honor boundaries.
- Share fondness and admiration.
- Balance expectations.
- Care for your own self.
What does the Bible say about respect
Well, 1 Peter 34 says:
“Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
When you argue with your partner consider whether you are showing a gentle and quiet spirit
Respect is about building a partnership with someone who uplifts and supports you when life gets hard
- A great relationship is about two things first, find out the similarities, second respect the differences.
The quality of being convicted is the art of your ability to cause someone to believe that you are true. You’re able to convince a person about who you are and what your intentions are.
Victor Hugo said:
“The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather in spite of ourselves.”
When you’re convicted in a relationship is based on trust and boosting your confidence by introducing reliance and responsibility that keeps a relationship going.
When your conviction is based on qualities such as unity, trust, open-mindedness, then these are all major positives that will make your relations last the distance.
Rabindranath Tagore, Stray Birds
― “Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.”
Conviction helps you to put out the best even on your bad days.
Bringing colour and light into your life and promoting a feeling of wholeness and acceptance for who you are, along with this, it helps you u become open and be able to speak freely and from the heart
These are all things, that will allow your partnerships to grow it’s difficult to achieve but if you have conviction, you can make it happen
I would be remised if I did not mention the personal core value of Love.
“Real love is not based on romance, candlelight dinner. It is based on respect, compromise, care, and trust!”
Love is a fundamental personal core value for any meaningful relationship. It therefore every facet of our lives in intimate relationships, for a relationship with our family.
Love creates a neurological pathway to feelings and emotions that influence your thoughts and behaviour.
- It REQUIRES YOU TO REVEAL YOUR TRUE SELF TO ANOTHER There is a sense of sacrifice. You are ready to give up your comfort zone, important possessions, self-centred…
- There is no selfishness. There is only a partnership. You think, decide and act not only for yourself but for good of your relationship
- Along with this is you learn how to love yourself. You don’t hurt yourself because you can recognize your importance to the one you love.
- There’s mutual respect. You value each other despite your differences. The man is respected as a man and the woman is respected as a woman…
What does the Bible say about Love?
Well, agape (Pronounced: Uh-GAH-pay) is the highest form of love because it describes God’s immeasurable, incomparable love for humankind. It is divine love that comes from God. Agape love is perfect, unconditional, sacrificial, and pure.
Romans 13:10: Says when we agape love God, we show it by obeying His commandments because His commandments teach us how to love others.
We can’t attain this form of love in our r/ships but for true love to thrive the things you say and do should help foster a healthy and positive relationship.
True love will liberate you because it gives you the ability to express how you really feel, good or not so good.
- “Two things you will never have to chase: true friends and true love.” – Mandy Hale
So, there you have it my friends the 7 Steps to supercharge your relationship:
- The Art observant
- Being prepared to make adjustments
- Being present
- The art of being responsive
- And love.
I really hope that this video will help your relationships to grow and foster.
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