How To Stop arguing In Your Relationship

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7 Ways to stop arguing

How To Stop Arguing In Your Relationship

In this article, I will be revealing seven ways to avoid arguing in your relationship and am going to provide you with tons of practical and incredible advice that will go into the psychology of why you argue in your relationship.

And exactly what you need to do to stop doing it.

So stick with me on this article, and please read it to the very end because every step is important.

  1. The first way to stop arguing in your relationship is to establish why it’s happening in the first place.

And the reason for this is because your brain is hooked on being right.

And HBR.org breaks it down in real detail.

And I want to set the scene here

You’re in an intense conversation with your partner and you disagree on something.

Your brain’s immediate reaction will be to defend your position.

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So, you’re talking and talking with your partner, and you realize you’re losing the argument.

So your brain tells you to speak louder so, you start talking louder and you start talking over your partner

And what you want to do is to correct their point of view, that you happen to disagree with.

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Your partner pushes back and they disagree with what you’re saying

And what happens is your brain automatically tells you to go into overdrive. And it does this in an attempt to convince your partner that you are right, and they are wrong.

And you’re getting so worked up that you can feel the pressure building up in your body and it’s almost as if you’re having an out-of-body experience.

And hbr.org states that the neurochemistry happening while you speaking is like your brain has been hijacked. If you’re tired of arguing in your relationship Discover 7 steps to Fix your relationship FREE. Click this link to:

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Back to his article, because you’re in a high-stress situation right now, the neurotransmitter cortisol which is the main stress hormone in your brain actually floods your brain.

And when this happens, all your natural positive thought processes such as the need to build trust, think strategically be compassionate actually shuts down, and your amygdala which regulates your emotion takes over.

So, what is happening to you now is that you’re now running on sheer emotion.

Your brain is addicted to being right

And when this happens, your logical thought processes will go straight out of the window.

It’s your instinctive brain, that takes over now.

So your body has no choice but to make a chemical choice about how best to protect itself.

So, you are now in protection mode

And there are 4 responses that happen here.

  1. You fight (keep arguing the point),
  2. Flight (hide behind from responsibility of the argument),
  3. Freeze (disengage from the argument by shutting up)
  4. Or appease (make nice with your partner by simply agreeing with them ).

Now, which approach do you take?

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Back to this article, have you thought about it?

None of them are good because they stop you from being honest and open about your relationship.

And you don’t get to share what’s on your mind.

Fight is the most damaging to your relationship, but unfortunately the most common reaction

Just let them talk and talk and talk and talk

Why?

Because like I said, being right is addictive

Your brain is addicted to being right because when you argue, and you win your brain it celebrates

Because adrenaline and dopamine behave like a drug and makes you feel powerful it makes you feel good and even makes you feel invincible.

The worst thing is that it makes you feel as if you are ruling your relationship, you’re the dominant king or queen you feel great about yourself and so you want to keep the feeling going and keep winning over and over again

And that you may be arguing over the same issue over and over again because you win the last argument, and you have a good chance of winning the next one.

It’s important to say that even the healthiest relationships experience arguments.

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Back to the article, the truth is some arguments in your relationship are good because you can iron out differences, build trust and just get all the pain and upset out of the way. And can introduce a fresh perspective to your relationship.

Ever heard the term “kill them with kindness.” Well, do that.

However, what I have just described the argument between you and your partner is toxic for any relationship, because nobody wins in this situation.

No one, not you because you think you’ve dominated your partner and beaten them into submission

So what do you do?

  1. Well, that brings me to the second way to stop arguing in your relationship and that is how you can use your brain to counteract the addiction of winning an argument.

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And you can do this by using another adrenaline called oxytocin

You see, this is another adrenaline that your brain releases, but it doesn’t want you to dominate and verbally beat up your partner because it’s the adrenaline that makes you caring and forgiving. The one that builds trust and sharing, it makes you feel attractive, and it even controls key aspects of your reproductive system.

So, how do you introduce oxytocin into your relationship?

Once they’ve finished talking speak to them softly and calmly

  1. This brings me to the third way to stop arguing in your relationship and there is to set rules of engagement. So, when you sit down with your partner, you know there is a good chance that you are going to argue.

 Begin by explaining to your partner that you should give each other time to speak.

I would advise you to speak very softly to your partner at this stage so you can set the right tone to avoid having an argument. 

So you could agree to allow each other to speak for say 5 minutes uninterrupted. And doing this will counteract the tendency to start arguing.

So you say to your partner let’s do something a bit different so we don’t talk over each other today. Why don’t you go first and say what’s on your mind and I will listen to you without saying anything?

It’s all about me listening to what you’re saying, then saying to them ‘I will have 5 minutes to tell you what’s on my mind. And you listen to what I have to say without saying anything.’

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  1. The fourth way to avoid arguing with your partner is to just listen. And this ties in with what I’ve just said.

But if your partner breaks the five minutes you agreed on.

Just let them talk and talk and talk and talk. And just sit there and don’t say anything. Because the nature of who we are as people is that we love to be heard. And in a relationship, it comes back to wanting to win.

But. deep down you know that’s not the case because you are the one in control not them.

And when they’ve done talking, you then speak to them very calmly and softly.

Ever heard the term “kill them with kindness.” Well, do that.

Because when you do this, you’ll find that he’ll start to open up and express what’s really on their mind. Do they feel disrespected, undervalued, are they jealous do they distrust you, or lack confidence in your relationship?

And it takes patience and real hard grit to just sit down and listen to someone, but it’s amazing how well it works.

Because you’re using reverse psychology which will make your partner trust you more because you’re genuinely interested in what they’re saying.

  1. The fifth way you to stop arguing with your partner is to know when you should apologize.

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you’re not saying they’re right, you’re just apologizing to stop the argument.

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How To Stop Wrangling In Your Relationship
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Back to the article if you know you have done something to upset your partner then the faster you apologize, the sooner your argument will end.

You should do this even if you feel you’re right.

So it’s about apologizing for the sake of ending the argument and moving on with caring about each other.

Because, when you do this, it will take the need to win out of the relationship and end the addiction of the brain being hooked on the need to be right.

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When you do this, you are using the Oxietoesin that caring calming influence against the hard amygdala adrenaline

But the great thing about dealing with arguments in this way is that you’re not saying they’re right, you’re just apologizing to stop the argument.

  1. The sixth way to stop arguing in your relationship is to use reserve psychology and agree with what they are saying. – It’s similar to apologizing but this time you’re agreeing with them.

You might not have to agree if you apologize that could end the argument but if it doesn’t then go ahead and agree with what they say.

Now, this might sound odd, but if you are already in agreement with them, it just takes the kick out of the arguments.

You are in the driving seat of your own life

However, if your partner is excusing you of having an affair and you’re not, then this technique would not be helpful. So, if they are excusing, you of something like this, it’s best to just listen and let them get it off their chest.

Once they’ve finished talking speak to them softly and calmly explaining your side of the situation. But always remain calm. And if you’re partner continues to speak over you just let them speak. And it might be best to speak with them the next day to give them space to calm down.

  1. The seventh way to stop arguing in your relationship is to remember that you have the power of choice. 

How To Stop Wrangling In Your Relationship

Now some of what I said may seem like you’re caving into your partner but, as hrb.org states they can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give him the keys.

Remember that you are in control, and ultimately responsible for your own happiness.

You are also responsible for your own action and emotions, and most importantly you are in control of the way you respond.

So, nothing I’ve said in this video is easy, but what is easier to understand, is that you have the control.

You are in the driving seat of your own life, and you can walk away from an argument and toxin relationship because you have the keys.